Faith is the core of salvation. We believe in a God we can’t see, though there are scriptures that tell of visions that were seen by John, Daniel and others of what God looked like. Daniel says his clothing was white like snow, and his head like whitest wool (Daniel 7:9). John says that Jesus’ head was white as wool, white as snow, his eyes like a fiery flame, and feet were like fine bronze (Revelation 1:14-15), but even without seeing him, we trust that God is God, and that Jesus is the son of God and the son of Man. It is by faith we are saved, and it is by faith that we operate. Faith isn’t always easy because some people need to be able to see it and faith says I believe in what I do not see.
“Me, however, I had control issues! I trusted me! Growing up I had been through so much, feeling betrayed by family, friends and God himself that I was only trusting my own actions and what I could do.”
-Shauni
Me, however, I had control issues! I trusted me! Growing up I had been through so much, feeling betrayed by family, friends and God himself that I was only trusting my own actions and what I could do. I felt rejected and I became angry with God. I got saved at 16 and I trusted him then. I was excited by salvation, but when my uncle came into my bedroom and raped me soon after, I felt so broken. I remember lying in bed after he left, and I cried out to God and I remember feeling…nothing, just sadness. No one explained to me that it wasn’t God and that he would never do that to me, but I didn’t feel protected. Hadn’t I gone through enough, even at 16?? I still had to sleep in that bed for the next year and a half until I left for college. Imagine having to sleep in the same bed you were raped in. I didn’t feel protected, and I didn’t feel seen.
Needless to say, there was no way for me to have faith in a God that I didn’t trust. I knew God, and I knew he was right, no different from a child knowing they’re supposed to love and respect their parents, but every child goes through this stage of not understanding a parents’ rules and regulations and are deeply affected by the disappointment that comes from not understanding a parent’s decisions. The major difference is, God doesn’t make mistakes, but I felt that he did, with me. Why would I think God loved me when at 6 or 7 years old, innocent, unable to protect myself, was already being raped and molested? What did I do to deserve it and why did you let it happen to me?
I wanted to be saved, but that meant relying on the same God that I blamed, to take control of my life and that was a no go. Instead, there was a void that I filled with empty male attention, abusive relationships, and the opportunity to take any form of love I could get, even if it hurt me. I was used to that anyway. It was better than feeling empty and alone. Like a little girl trapped on the sofa, a little girl trapped in her own bedroom battling the perverted demons that latched on to me in childhood, and God, you let this happen. I went to church, and I heard people pray against promiscuity. Yes, they knew I was promiscuous, and that was what I felt they could only see, and I still wasn’t being seen. I felt attacked, judged, and still rejected. Why could no one see that there was a root? No one attacked the root! Why could no one see the pain behind the smiles and congenial personality that said I have no faith in God, no faith in humanity, and certainly no faith in me?
Now that I am older, much wiser in Christ, I know now that the enemy was so busy. He wasn’t the only one, so was God and we don’t always see it in our pain. I was studying the book of Daniel last week. I was on Facebook and this amazing woman from Mississippi asked if anyone would like to join her in studying the book. I was so excited to make a connection with another saved woman that I didn’t see that God was busy doing other things but that’s not important right now. In studying Daniel, Hannaniah, Mishael, and Azariah, (or who we like to call, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego), I realized the level of faith I would like to get to. Daniel and the three Hebrew boys were taken from their home and were trained for three years on how to serve a king. During their training they had a guard and a Eunuch watching over them. Now it doesn’t go into detail about it in the bible, but I can only imagine what the treatment looks like and what it feels like. They were foreigners, being trained, and I can only assume, prisoners, but prisoners that even in the lowest of circumstances obtained favor in the smallest ways, such as not having to eat the king’s food when they asked, and even in the gifts they were given.
Daniel had two gifts, to interpret dreams, and faith. Hannaniah, Mishael, and Azariah, had the gift of faith. Though each of them was highly intelligent and it was their level of intelligence and Daniel’s gift of interpreting dreams that gained the King’s attention and favor, it was their faith and faithfulness that brought forth God’s glory and God, so intentional, put them in that position because that was their mission. The ungodly Kings that ruled over God’s people, were their mission. Everything that God dealt with Daniel about, were the kings and the kings to come.
I look at how Daniel and the Hebrew boys’ story begun, and God had them removed from their home for a bigger picture that they did not understand, but it was their faithfulness to God and their willingness to be obedient and serve God regardless of what they didn’t understand. Of course, the enemy tried his hand in attempting to kill them all. Hannaniah, Mishael, and Azariah, were given names of a foreign land, and they made up in their mind, call me what you want, I will not conform to what you call me, I’m still going to serve God and in that faithfulness were thrown into the furnace. It was what they said before they were thrown in it, that wowed me. They told the king, that if the God we serve exists he surely can rescue us from the fire and from you, but even if he does not, we still will not serve another God. We know God can save us, but even if he doesn’t, they decided they were still going to serve God. Their faith said, “I know he can” and their faith led to four men walking around in that blazing fire. I would have loved to hear what that conversation/praise/worship sounded like in there walking around.
Daniel, too, in his faithfulness, the devil took the opportunity to try to kill him too. He said he didn’t care about no written law about not worshipping no other God, I’m going home right now, I’m going to open all the windows, and I’m going to praise God in front of you! How about that? It was almost like Daniel dared them to do something about it! If that isn’t faith, I don’t know what is! The king was more worried that Daniel was, when he was thrown into the Lion’s Den. I really think the King was praying for the God he did not know to rescue Daniel, because he was really upset. I could imagine just how much the king really treasured Daniel, because first thing that morning he yelled down into that den “Daniel, the God you serve saved you from them lions right?” Daniel said “Word!” The king saw enough in Daniel, knew enough about Daniel, that he already knew to believe in Daniel’s God! King Darius said shoot, I need to change God’s because Daniel’s is the GOAT!
I told that whole story to say, it made me reflect. Last year God removed me from my job, and took everything from me, the car, the money, the security, everything. I was confused and was like but why?!?! God told me just yesterday, he had to. I was putting everything else in this world before him, and it wasn’t until he did that, I got to truly KNOW God and his faithfulness to me. In doing so, I learned to trust God. He had to put me in a position that I couldn’t control anything and had no choice but to rely on God. How else could I learn that he was trustworthy, if I kept thinking it was me that was doing it? For the last year, I can honestly say that I have no idea how bills were paid, the kids have had more than what they needed and everything they wanted. Even in my valley, God comforted me and showed himself faithful and trustworthy.
I am now able to look back at my childhood in wisdom and see there are things that God, just like Daniel and the Hebrew boys, groomed me for from the beginning, and there were things that the enemy tried to do to kill me and destroy my purpose. Sometimes the enemy attacks because, though he may not know God’s plan, he can see things being done on your behalf and he will do everything he can to stop it. Then there are times the enemy attacks because it is job to just steal, kill, and destroy whomever he can as early as he can and use you for his side as long as possible to destroy others. Then there are times that the enemy really think he is winning, and God shows himself.
On this journey, not only did God build my faith from removing me from my comfort zone, but he also showed me that there are rewards in faithfulness. He shows up when you are obedient and trust in his word and who he is. The word says, “seek God first and the kingdom of heaven and everything else will be added to it.” I found out that it was true. In getting to know how he talks and deals with me, I learned how to hear his voice and when I say he shows up even for the little things, he really does. It’s God showing that he loves me enough to show up even for the little things, that I’ve learned to trust him and his nature. When I began this journey, I had to be honest, God, I love you, but I’m not in love with you because I don’t know you. How can I trust you? Help me! I thought I was so petty when I asked things like, God I want to learn what your favorite song is. I was praying one day, and the Holy Spirit came in and I actually began singing in tongues, and God said to me, “That’s my favorite song.” Learning his nature taught me what those things were, that I was so angry about in my childhood, wasn’t God. Getting to know him builds trust in him and that’s what faith is. I don’t see, I don’t understand, but because I know my God is faithful, because I know God is all that I need, because I know he will hold no good thing from me, I will trust him!
I really believe that the devil thought he was doing something with those ungodly kings over God’s people. He didn’t see God’s plan when four Hebrew boys were taken from their home to serve a king. The devil didn’t think about the glory God would get when he tried to kill them, and God used it for his good and the opportunity for the world to see that God is faithful and the God that makes the impossible possible. There are things that the enemy didn’t know I was being groomed for, there are things that the enemy doesn’t know that God is going to turn around to use for his glory.
For those that are saved already, I implore you to understand just how important it is to build your own faith in God. It is important to understand just how powerful faith is when it comes to ushering in those that are not saved. Through Daniel, the ungodly Kings saw God through his faith and faithfulness to a God they did not know or serve. King Darius saw the faith in Daniel and God’s power in the lion’s den and he said I need to serve this God too. Ruth loved Naomi so much, that in faith she followed her. When Naomi told Ruth to stay with her people in her own land, Ruth vowed 6 things to Naomi:
- Where you go, I will go.
- Where you live, I will live.
- Your people, will be my people.
- I will die where you die.
- I will be buried where you are buried.
- Your God will be my God.
God used Ruth’s relationship with her mother-in-law to draw in Ruth and in this relationship, a foreign woman, a Moabite woman, was used in the lineage of King David, and Jesus Christ himself. Naomi had become a widow filled with grief, but Ruth saw God in her. In Ruth’s faithfulness, not just to her mother-in-law, but the God Naomi served, the reward was bigger than they could have imagined. We as saved ones are groomed and gifted to draw in ungodly CEO’s, people on our jobs, family members, president’s, neighbors, whoever! It’s your faith that will lead you to pray with your windows open in front of the enemy himself and praise God anyway and know that God will protect you in the lion’s den. It’s faith to be able to pray against the enemy for little girls like me and call healing at the root. We were called to do greater works, and I can confirm that God is the same God today that he was yesterday. I can give you an example.
My daughter Phoenix is 11 years old. Last week, she had a sinus infection for about two weeks. Her nose was stuffed and swollen and her inability to blow out the mucus created an enormous build up that created the infection in her sinuses. It was thick like slime. It was causing her so much pain in her head and in her ears. She was on an antibiotic, I had given her Mucinex to try to break up the mucus, and pain medication but she was just SO miserable. She couldn’t sleep at night, and I was just so sad watching her cry from ear pain. We went to church for choir rehearsal last week and Phoenix really wanted to go and when we arrived to church, she said her ears were beginning to hurt. I said a quick prayer but a little over an hour later, she was hunched over in tears that her ears hurt so bad. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left her in the church foyer, and I went into the sanctuary, and I began to pray. I prayed that God removed the pain and to flush out the mucus. Now that I look back, I wish I had prayed for complete healing, but my faith was limited, but even in limited faith God hears us. During my prayer, God told me, spit in her ear. To some of you reading this, if you made a face, so did I, but I immediately remembered that Jesus himself used spitting symbolically when he healed. My mind, “God, I’m not Jesus!” God repeated it again, spit in her ear.” I said, God, if you’re really telling me to do this, I need confirmation. I went to my daughter, laying on a bench, and I knelt beside her and received all of the confirmation I needed.
‘My darling daughter of much more faith than I, so calmly replied to me, “Yes mom, because I trust God and I trust you.”‘
-Phoenix
“Phoenix, if God told me to spit in your ear to heal you, would you let me do it?” Without a face, without hesitation, my daughter replied to me, “Yes.” With tears streaming down my face, I said, “you would!?!?” My darling daughter of much more faith than I, so calmly replied to me, “Yes mom, because I trust God and I trust you.” So, I told her to pray as I prayed, I spit in one ear, touched and prayed, and did the same to the other. God said to me, “and it’s done.” Within seconds, my daughter sat up and she stared at me in tears, and she said I don’t feel the pain like I did. A few seconds later, the mucus that just an hour before, she hadn’t been able to blow out, the mucus that was thick like slime, became like water and poured out of her nose. Before long she was able to breathe from her nostril for the first time in two weeks. I asked God why, why me? Even now as I type, he always replies, why not you? It was first my obedience, but it was the faith of my daughter, my faith that God was capable. I never doubted that God was capable, I doubted myself, but God proves himself over and over.
God puts me in situations time and time again where I have no choice but to rely on him, and when I do, he shows up. Every time he shows up my faith in him grows. He took the time to love me enough to show that I could trust him with the little things like answering what I thought were silly prayers. He took the time to show me he could be trusted with my household, with the things I asked for, and the things I didn’t. He took the time to show me that I could trust him with the well-being of my children and their health. We women talk about the type of men we want in our lives, a provider, a man who will love and take care of our children, a man that can be trusted, a man that is patient and kind, a comforter. Imagine a man coming into your life, and you can’t trust him, and he begins to do everything to prove that he is husband material. He meets all your needs. I could not trust God to be the head of my household because of my hurt, and he loved me enough, to take the time, to show me that not only could he be trusted, that he was indeed the head of my household. Simultaneously, each situation that required me to be obedient and trust in God, I proved that I could be trustworthy too. From faith to faith, from glory to glory I go.
I am here to tell you that God loves you enough to show up for you too. He cares enough to draw you in because he wants you to trust him. God is God, but he is a loving God and operates in love. Truthfully, he could say do what I said and that’s it, and sometimes he does, but in the midst of it, he does show his true nature in how much he loves us as individuals, our families and how much he wants to fix our problems. There’s a reason he said all we needed was the size of a mustard seed. Try a mustard seed size faith and watch how it grows as you and God both water it.
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