Of course I’m not God, I know that! I would never in my life think I am or capable of being God, but we were made to imitate God. I have been having conversations with people, and sometimes my spirit gets agitated with the people already in the body of Christ. I thought something was wrong with me, until I realized that you are capable of grieving the Holy Spirit when you’re not operating in the way you are supposed to. However, I realized that my spirit does become grieved when I am surrounded by people who also do not operate in the way they are intended. I thought I was crazy until I read this story about Jesus.
In Matthew 17, a man comes and kneels down before Jesus and says, my son has been having seizures that are basically trying to kill him. I took him over there to your homeboys and they couldn’t do it. I don’t care what nobody says, Jesus was irritated. He looked at his disciples and said “Oh you faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?” Jesus said I have to do everything myself?!? The disciples asked why they couldn’t do it and he said your unbelief! Past a certain point, Jesus expected his disciples to have enough faith to do what he did! He wanted them to learn and realize they had the same capabilities as he, so much so that he called them perverse and said why do I have to keep putting up with ya’ll? Peter got out the boat to walk on water just as Jesus did. Initially, Peter didn’t doubt he could until he was limited by fear.
“Oh you faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?”
Matthew 17:17
People who are saved are constrained by limited perspectives/thinking, by fear, and unbelief. This constraint has limited our capabilities. If you read my previous blogs, you should have learned by now, that perversion just means that a person or thing is not operating in its original intent. Jesus told the disciples they were not operating in their intent. When you operate in the spirit your outlook on the world is very different, and in operating in the spirit, I have become irritated with perversion. I love people, but I didn’t understand why people were bothering me so much. The same spirit that lives inside of us, was the same spirit that Jesus himself operated in, and he was irritated that his disciples were not operating as they should have. It was their unbelief.
Let’s start with this, and this blew my mind, so I hope this blows yours. God first created man as a spirit. Genesis 1:27 says God created man in his own image, in the image of God, both male and female in the spiritual form. Adam was not placed into flesh until chapter 2 verse 7. That should tell you a lot. Romans 8 tells you that the same spirit that rose Christ from the dead, also lives in YOU! We weren’t created to be scum, Genesis told us about our true intentions in the spiritual before he placed us in flesh. The father, the son, and the holy ghost had a meeting and said “let US make man in OUR own image, to have dominion over this earth. This was our true intention. When you accept Christ as your personal savior, we are intended be obedient and to let God restore us to our original intent which is to walk by the spirit. It is in obedience that we learn how to and learn his ways.
“People who are saved are constrained by limited perspectives/thinking, by fear, and unbelief. This constraint has limited our capabilities.“
Galations 5:16- 18 says, walk by the spirit and not of the flesh, because the flesh desires what is against the spirit, and the spirit desires what is against the flesh. First and foremost, you are a spirit, and your body is the earthly experience, and Jesus died for our reconnection with Christ that Adam severed when he sinned. Once we are born again, we learn to walk in the spirit, by faith and obedience. When you are relying on your own knowledge, and limited way of thinking, you limit your true capabilities, and we were made to act just like God. Jesus taught that the disciples that they were limited because of their fear and unbelief, which is a flesh like experience. God did not give us the spirit of fear. Operating in the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. If you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful…and if you lack these things then you’re blind and shortsighted. Make every effort to confirm your calling. (2 Peter 1: 5-11). It is a consistent process, and we are supposed to increase our capabilities by continuing to enhance our level of faith. All of these things work together to achieve godliness and love in its purest form. Enhancing our level of faith and in love, this is how miracles happen. I know God had to know it wasn’t easy which is why he said obey! Turn from wickedness, repent and have faith and then build on that with goodness and knowledge. The more you know, the more self-control you need to be able to keep going. He knew what we needed.
Jesus was our perfect example. He had a flesh-like experience and showed us our true intentions and capabilities. It’s not to say Jesus didn’t have flesh like tendencies. It’s hard to explain what a spiritual disturbance feels like, but I believe it exists for your spirit when something isn’t right. When you walk in the spirit, it should be disturbed in certain atmospheres and situations. Not your flesh. We have to learn the difference in our own thoughts versus the spirit. What I’m saying is, Jesus got irritated and he got scared, and part of me believes he may have gotten angry, but his thoughts and actions were above those who surrounded him. I believe Jesus got angry but that’s my own personal theory. When he walked in that temple, flipped over tables, threw the money, and kicked them people out, I truly believe he was mad. When I looked at the King James Version, Matthew 21:13, it was written in all caps when Jesus said, “It is written, MY HOUSE SHALL BE CALLED THE HOUSE OF PRAYER; but ye have made it a DEN OF THIEVES.” In the Christian Standard bible, it was written in bold with an exclamation mark. As a writer myself, I know that we tend to use punctuation and different types of lettering to express emotion or emphasis, and I am a firm believer, there is a reason that when Jesus said certain things, it would stand out. This is one of those things that I truly believe, Jesus yelled, which probably wasn’t often.
Don’t be shocked, God gets angry. Romans says that God’s wrath is shown from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men (Romans 1:18). We all know that hate is a strong word but in Proverbs there are 6 things that God hates and 7 that are an abomination (Proverbs 6:16-19) so yes, God does get angry. Romans 2:8, God will show wrath and anger to those who are self-seeking and disobey the truth while obeying unrighteousness!
Why am I telling you this? If we were made first as spirits who were made in the image of God, our spirit wants the opposite of what the flesh wants, our spirit should be disturbed when we see or experience unrighteousness and perversion. We were meant for so much more! The spirit that lives in me, that lives in Christ, the spirit of God, lives in you. Let me piece that together for you, we are connected! I wonder how amazing we could be should we all put ourselves to the side and operate in the spirit! Oh, the things we could do! Sometimes I see and hear people in Christ limit themselves, situations, or other people, and I’m disturbed. I get it in the natural, but in the spiritual, my God is not limited to my thoughts. We get so caught up in our own problems, what God can do for us, that we forget about other people. Jesus was sitting at the table with the disciples, tax collectors, and the bible said, sinners. People came in and said, “ummmm, why Jesus in there eating dinner with the sinners and tax collectors?” Jesus said I didn’t come to call the righteous, I came to call the sinners!
Jesus healed the sick, rose the dead, walked on water, and rebuked demons but guess what Jesus told us, “He that believeth in me, the works that I do, shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my father.” It would be hypocritical of me to say I don’t struggle with the thoughts of, “I’m not Jesus! I don’t have that power,” but God is telling me, just like right now, he is telling you, YES YOU DO! People we have to wake up! Whatever gift he gave you, use it to do so much more! Stop limiting God to your own miniscule way of thinking and connect with our father in the spirit. It wasn’t just Jesus who performed miracles. It was Joshua who prayed and held the sun and the moon in their place for nearly a whole day so Israel could conquer their enemies. We have dominion over the earth and everything in it. In the spirit there is nothing we can’t do in faith.
When God deals with you and you learn to operate in the spirit, I can tell you right now, people are going to disturb and irritate your spirit. It’s not easy. I don’t know how many times, literally I didn’t count, someone second guessed Jesus or said something the opposite of what he would or could do. Jesus was the perfect example for us that we were meant to perform miracles. “We are for signs and wonders.” In the time we are living in, it’s very much needed! When you truly decide to believe in the word of God and understand who you are in Christ we can do some very astounding things. 2 Peter says, “his divine power has given us everything for life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness,” and with this knowledge, we too, can turn this world upside down (Acts 17:6).
Keep in mind that faith is of the heart, not the head. Faith comes by what we don’t see and don’t understand, and it is by faith that overrides the natural and brings forth the supernatural. When a gentile mother came to Jesus and he replied, I can’t take food from the children and give it to the dogs,” it was her faith that led Jesus to heal her daughter even though she wasn’t technically supposed to be covered until the new covenant that came with his death. It was another example that Jesus operated in love and was willing to do for us when we didn’t deserve it, we didn’t earn it, but by our faith, and his grace, we were welcome to what we perceive as impossible. Jesus is so empathetic. He was blunt, and very honest about someone’s mess but in love he healed and set people free.
When I see people suffer, are sad, or have a need, my spirit becomes disturbed, and it is also often frustrated by the limitations I see people of Christ operate by. We have so little time and I cry often. Most days I am apologetic to God that it took me so long to get my life together because where could I be if I knew what I know now? Where could I be if I had accepted my purpose a long time ago? How many people could be getting out of wheelchairs? How many people could have been set free from demons? I literally weep at the thought of where people are in sin today. I do not like the things I see on social media. I saw a man get stabbed in the back on a train in NYC and he shot the girl who did it. I sobbed.
I prayed yesterday that God help me. Easter Sunday came and I watched as my Bishop gave the alter call and there was a woman in a wheelchair at the altar. My entire being was drawn to her. I wanted to get on my knees and lay my head in her lap and pray. I watched the tears fall from her face and I knew she had faith, but out of fear I weighed myself down. In that moment I wondered if I would disrupt the service? What if I was wrong and my heart was just in the right place? I also wonder, what if I had operated in the spirit and in faith asked God to heal her? Will I have to answer God on judgement day and apologize for not being obedient because I was afraid of people? What really could have gone wrong if I had just laid in her lap and prayed for her? I don’t know. We are salt and light to the world and the word says, “is a lamp meant to be put under a basket or under a bed? Isn’t it made to be put on a lampstand?” I need wisdom to learn how to deal with others who may not understand. I truly be like, what would Jesus do? Then I also retreat and say, I don’t know if I’m that bold. It’s hard to talk to people sometimes about what I feel. I almost feel like they either debate with me or head tilt because they don’t fully understand.
I am learning that each of us was made for great things; to DO great things. I don’t struggle with unbelief, everything in me now believes that we are also more than capable of performing miracles. I struggle with fear of being wrong. Of course, I want to see people healed and set free. I weep at seeing death and suffering, more now than ever! I weep at seeing sadness. I can literally feel sadness. I wrestled with the spirit of rejection and perversion so long that I feel them in the room, so I know someone is suffering. I don’t always know who, but I know they’re in there. I don’t know how to get to a place where I can be confident enough to imitate Jesus and the works he performed. I read again the story of Jesus explaining to the disciples that they couldn’t cast out the demon because of their faith. The holy ghost told me to read it in my old King James bible, not the pretty new and improved Christian Standard bible. I realized that verse 21 in Matthew 17 was missing in the Christian Standard Bible. In my very old King James version, in verse 21, Jesus reassures his disciples, that those kinds of demons only go out by praying and fasting. The Christian Standard Bible goes from verse 20 to 22. I was deeply concerned because it tells us that certain types of demonic spirits, we can’t just rebuke, we really have to fast and pray. It is in fasting that we are able to focus our thoughts on the spiritual things of God.
Joel 2:12 calls for us to turn to God with all of our heart in fasting, weeping, and mourning. It is in fasting that we are the closest in operating totally in our spirit because our spirit is our direct line of communication to God. Our spirit tells us what we need. It made me wonder why verse 21 was not in the new bible for us to learn that we obtain the power to rebuke certain demonic strong holds through fasting and prayer. It makes me wonder, what else could we possibly do in fasting and prayer? What else could we learn? “Lord teach me how to operate in spirit and not my flesh. I want a true understanding. I want to operate in the spirit so much so, that according to Isaiah 11, that the spirit of the lord will rest on me; a spirit of wisdom and understanding, a spirit of counsel and strength, a spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the lord and that I will not judge by what I see.” I can’t always explain it when I tell people “I just know,” and I can’t always defend it when people oppose me in what I can’t explain and what they don’t understand. It’s often quite irritating. I’m not Jesus, but I do understand. The disciples walked with him, watched him, and still struggled with unbelief, fear, and limited perspectives. I am trying to become confident enough that outside validation does not matter because not everyone will understand. In fact, most will not and soon, it will apply to you too when you seek it. The bible shows this time and time again, how when miracles happened, they operated beyond what everyone else felt and thought. A whole lot of, “that does not make sense type stuff.” Let’s release the limitations that we have placed on God and ourselves. Let’s not be shortsighted and blind because it’s not supposed to make sense. I’m not just talking to you; I’m talking to me too. I definitely need to learn how to build my endurance with people and operating in love, because people can be really irritating! That’s how I know Jesus was irritated and he was Jesus! People struggled believing Jesus, so I know they have a hard time believing me. Jesus was trying to prepare the disciples for the work that would need to continue once he was gone. He was an example to us and told us we would need to do more, so I am learning how to do more!
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